A few years ago, my husband and I went out to dinner with a few other couples. I was sitting with the ladies of the group having, what I thought was, a friendly chat. The woman next to me started texting in the middle of the conversation. I thought it was a little odd, so I playfully peeked over and asked , “whatcha doing?”. She pulled her phone away quickly, but not before I saw that the text was a catty remark about me to the other woman at the table. Ouch. That HURT.
I made it through the rest of dinner…holding back tears. Regardless, of what age I am- those catty comments still sting. I debated for quite some time whether to confront them. What would I say? What would be the result if I did? I REALLY thought it through. In the end, I decided against it. I wasn’t scared or fearful about the confrontation, I just thought, “What good would it do?”. The fact was, I knew their catty remarks were a reflection of them, rather than about me.
Hurt people, hurt people.
I still see those women today and they have no idea that I saw the comments they were saying about me. I still treat them with kindness and love. I chose to have compassion, rather than choosing confrontation. I am grateful for that.
What do I mean when I say those women’s actions were a reflection of themselves? It’s called projecting.
The theory is we project our character flaws and traits untoo other people. If you pay attention to what you criticize in others, these are traits within yourself as well. This can make it a little more bearable when you are hurt by the words or actions of others. When you understand that what they see in you are actually traits they dislike about themselves.
It can still hurt when you find out someone you thought was your friend is talking behind your back. I’m not going to sugar coat it. You may shed tears. It’s a little easier to handle when you know they are projection their character flaws unto you. It doesn’t mean you have to still hang with them and be besties. Perhaps, just treat them with love, kindness, and absolutely DON’T take it personal.
This week, I want you to pay attention of every thought or comment you make about another person in both a positive and negative light. Write them down. These are all traits that you either like or dislike about yourself. You may be surprised at what you find out.
Until next time…Be the change.